Bambi.

She is one of our dogs. She is a 13 year old poodle-maltese, aka, pooltese. We had her groomed yesterday. She was a little matted, so they had to shave her. Now she has to wear a sweater. My little pup, BAMBI, has to wear a doggy sweater. I never thought that I would dress my animals. CRAZY! But, also, SO CUTE! :)

Dinner time.

I wanted to write about this last night, but the evening turned into night, and then into bedtime before I knew it!

So, dinnertime. It has been fun - and LONG - lately. K. is sometimes fussy and will sometimes eat anything and everything. Last night was great. It was about an hour - which really isn't a long time, but can seem so when you are saying the same things over and over... "Take a bite." "Mommy will clap." "Great job with that big bite!" You get the idea. In addition, we have been teaching K. to use a "big boy" cup, so it's been quite a process. He takes a bite, he gets a sip. He did very well last night and did not dribble ONCE! Yay! Good job drinking! That was also added to my phrases last night!

But we had a great time! Not only was he eating and drinking well, we had SO MUCH fun doing it! He ate ALL of his chicken and pasta with rosemary sauce. What 20 month old likes rosemary sauce??!!!? My boy! :) I was so proud. We are committed to not just feeding K. "kid food." We have it - the Chef Boyardee's, mac and cheese, etc. When he is a liittle fussy, or we are short on time, we can throw that in the micro or cook a few chicken strips and know all will be ok. We also have him eat with us and eat - or at least TRY - whatever we are having. He's already tried -and LOVED!!!- calamari! I think that it is wonderful that he will try anything.

I can see, though, how some parents can just give in and give their child whatever s/he wants. It is a lot of work - esp. after coming home from work. Or even just after a long day! But I really feel like the "hard" work that we are doing now (I know! It is probably nothing compared to what will be happening when he is 16!), will pay off and make things a little easier later on... Let's hope, anyway!

Tomorrow, after work, we are going to visit a rest home in town. I am going to see if they are looking forwar volunteers. I really want volunteering to be a part of K.'s life, so I think that we will start now. And he doesn't really have any older folks in his life. His ocal grandparents are YOUNG - only 50 - so, I would like that "elder connection" for him. I will let you know how that goes. Most older folks love babies, and I am sure that he would love the attention, so it should be good for all parties involved!

On that note, I am signing off! I am going to head to bed and catch some sleep before the sun is out again!

Cute-ness!

So, my little guy. He is SO cute! Everyday he does something new and he becomes even cuter! Is that even a word??!! I have never used the word "cute" so much before!
One of C.'s aunts brought a rocking horse over on Thanksgiving (we hosted! it was a blast! 25 people around the table!). The rockinig horse has been in the family for over 20 years. Now K. gets to use it. AND HE LOVES IT! It is very big - way taller than him and he needs help getting on it. Ad then he is off! He rocks so hard, that he creeps across the living room! It is so fun and CUTE to see!
He is also saying SO MANY words now! And what would take days or weeks for him to learn, he learns in a few minutes! We showed him a picture of Santa and said that he says "ho ho ho." Well, 5 minutes later, K. saw Santa and said "ho ho ho!" Wow! He blows my mind!!!
I really do hope that we have another child sometime in the next year or two. My life is so FULL right now and I love him to pieces, but having another would not only make out lives more fun, but his, too! He saw his baby cousin this weekend and hugged, kissed,, and gave him "pounds." It was...CUTE!

On a different note, I am starting to take my prozac again. I feel crazy taking prozac, but it TOTALLY mellows me out and makes me feel more level. Whatever - it works! And, from what I have been reading, it is one of the safer drugs to be on while pregs. I will most likely go OFF of it when I do get pregs again (I did before), but it feels good to know that it could be ok if I still needed it. :) Needless to say, C. is VERY happy! I am, too.

Are there are moms out there who dealt with high blood pressure/hypertension during and after pregnancy? 20 months later, I am still being weaned off of drugs and I would love to hear from others like me. Also, if you have any feedback on how to take care of it naturally, I would love to hear it!

Gotta get back to work now... more later on my CUTE little guy!

Preeclampsia.

No one talks about this when you are pregnant. I am writing about it because one of my best friends, Heidi, just had her baby. A cute little boy! Congrats, womin! :)
But, she got it. Anf she is a healthy woman! If I recall, she was teaching aerobics for a good part of her preganancy and a walking maniac until she could barely move. When I was talking to her last night, she told me that 4 weeks before she had her son, her doc said that her blood pressure was a little high, but not to worry. When she went in for one of her regular check ups, her bp was high and she had gained 4 lbs in one week. The docs sent her to the hospital, induced her, and she ended up with an EMERGENCY c section the next day. I know things can change in a second, but when you are under constant supervision, I do not know how it can become an emergency. Maybe I am still upset because the same sort of thing happened to me...
My birth story...
I had a great pregnancy. I was healthier that I had ever been in my life. I gave into my cravings for mozzarella sticks, but only had on with dinner and not the whole box. :) I was actually losing MY wieght during my pregnancy and gaining baby weight. It was great! During my 7th month, I started gaining water weight. My feet would swell, but if I put them up, they'd be ok. My midwives were not worried. My bp was still GREAT! I had never had problems with my blood pressure before. At the beginning of my 9th month, I started gaining a lot of water. But no one was worried because everything else was ok. Then, on my due date, at a regular check up, my bp was slightly elevated. I was also HUGE. My belly was big, and I was so swollen. I also thought that I was leaking, and they did a quick test, and it seemed like I was. But, they sent me home. Came back the next day for a non stress test for baby. He was fine. My bp was still a little high, I had trace protein in my urine, but I was sent home for the weekend. When I went back on Monday, the non stress test was fine, they did an u/s and found out that he was about 9 lbs or so and his fluids were low, my bp was comtiniuing to get higher and I had more protein in my urine. They admitted me. They started to induce me that night. I continued in labor Tuesday, tried going natural, and after 8 hours and only dilating 1 cm, asked for drugs. Had a panic attack that night and a wonderful nurse stayed by me all night long. C was also there every second. Wednesday morning thihngs were looking better with baby. I had dilated some more. My bp was still really high and they started talking about mag sulfate. Whatever. Just give me whatever I need is what I said. I found out afterwards that they give you mag sulfate when your bp gets so high that they are worried that you might have seizures or a stroke! Anyway, the mag made me feel crazy. Where there was one person, I saw 4. All day long, my bp was rising, baby was fine. Finally, at around 8 pm, dilated at 9 cm, bp really high (like 2something/150), had a fever, they decided to do a c section. And now, because of the fever, too, it was a real emergency. This was DAY 3 OF MY INDUCTION IN THE HOSPITAL. While doing the c, because K. was so far down the birth canal, when they pulled him out, they tore my uterus almost to my cervix. I FELT IT. I screamed like I had never screamer before, told C. to go with our son, and that's all I remember. A c section is supposed to take about 45 minutes from start to finish. I went in around 8/830 pm. I got back to my, and saw my son for the first time at 5 am. I need 2 units of blood that night, 2 the next day. I found out that there were lots of codes called because I kept bleeding. C. had no idea what was going on. I almost needed a hysterectomy. Had a 10 day hospital stay and a nurse visiting me at home for 3 months. 20 months later, I am still on bp medication. I wish that they had done it sooner. I am glad K. is good and healthy, and I am doing everything I can to become a healthier woman, but I can't help but wonder if things would have been a little different if they had taken action earlier on.
This happens to a lot of women. My sister just had a baby and also had preeclampsia. They did the c section earlier on, so, 6 weeks later, she is doing well. No one talks about this. And when I was talking to Heidi last night, she was saying the same thing. So, I am stating... Please feel free to share your stories.
What is also important to remember, is that something like this really is traumatic. My therapist said that I was suffering from PTSD afterwards. I had nightmares, was so afraid that I was going to die. Upon going back to work, I had such a sever panic attack, that I really thought that I was having a heart attack. Now I have medication for that, too!
ALL that said, now that I am on the men, I would love to have another baby. Before doing so, I will meet with a high risk ob. My ob, afterwards, said that something like that would NOT happen again because they would keep their eyes out for any signs. I would also have a c section scheduled. That makes me feel a little better. I was told to wait at least 18 months before I even thought about trying again. Now, 20 months later, we are starting to talk about it. I do not think that we will start trying til next year - maybe a little later - but I just want to plan and be prepared. So, I am on the hunt for a good ob. If anyone knows of one south of Boston, please let me know!
What I learned from this experience is that women's bodies are very strong and powerful and that we do not give ourselves enough credit. We need to ALWAYS honor and love our bodies and ourselves. And we also need to take good care of them and love them and feed them and nourish them well.

Here is a great site for support:
http://www.preeclampsia.org/share.aspx

Teeth.

K's getting more. And they are molars. And there are 3 or 4 coming in. Poor little guy. He is tired, but doesn't want to sleep - only during the day, thankfully! He is attached to me. ANd I mean, the umbilical cord is growing back! Seriously, he does not want to be away from me!!! His bum is red - bright, bright red. And he has super diarherra... am I even spelling that right? Everything he eats comes out as quickly as it went in. So, he is eating lots of bland foods and rinking lots of clear liquids. He really wants milk, though. I wish that I could give it to him, but the doc said no. And I don't want his belly to hurt him either...

Any advice from the parents out there? How did/do you deal with your little one when tons of teeth were coming in at the same time. I keep telling him that he won't remember, but I know that he is in pain. Oh. And he loves orajel and the little while pills (those of you who've used these know what they are).

Thanks for any advice!

Getting used to this...

So, that's what I am trying to do... get used to having a blog AND posting on it. Not so good...yet...


Anyway...

That last post - the one about the guy from my church. He died. I knew that it was going to happen. Everyone knew. And it bothered me more than I thought it would. I felt like I shouldn't have been sad because I didn't know him too well, we weren't that close... But it hit me hard. I was - am - so sad. For his family - I am glad that they do not have to see him in pain, but now they are in pain. He leaves a young husband and 2 young children... lots of friends and family. I went to the funeral. It was so hard to go. I had a hard time thinking outside of myself. I didn't want to go because I was sad. It's not about me. I wanted to go to remember and be there for his family. I am glad that I went - it was very sad, but nice to be around so many people who love and honor a wonderful guy. I brought K. with me. It was a Friday afternoon, so he wasn't in daycare. It was outside and rainy. It was amazing, though. It was like K. knew to be quiet and that we were somewhere sacred. I can't explaini it. It feels a little weird to say "he was so good," and "he just knew," but he did. I was so proud of him, and also felt good that I was able to help him learn how to act. If that makes any sense...

That was last month...

Now, we are preparing to host a Thanksgiving Day celebration at our house. That means a lot of cleaning!!!! As much of a paini it is, it's nice to have something to get us moving on straightening up the house! We have hosted TDay before, but this will be the first time with K. here! I am excited about creating traditions with and for him. I love TDay. It's not a religious holiday, for one. It's also such a beautiful time of the year - especially in New England. It's usually cold outside, but warm inside - warm with freinds and family. AND... I usually polish off a bottle of winie by noon and feel pretty happy! :) The stress of having so many people to our house gets to me. I am then banished from the kitchen and just have a great time!

K. and I are travelling to Atlanta, GA (aka HOTlanta) in a couple of weeks. That's where his godparents live. I am excited! He has flown before, so hopefully that will be ok. I am just excited that he will have some time to spend with his wonderful godparents. His godmother is my best friend. We've known eachother sinice 2nd grade - so that's...25 years! Holy crap!!!! She's just a great woman. What else can I say? Her husband is K.'s godfather. I've known him sinice they've been together - I think that's 10-ish years? Anyway, he is a great guy. When we were deciding on godparents, we were having a hard time. We are UU, so it's not expected that you pick godparents. People do, because most folks come from a Catholic or Christian background. C. really wanted him to have godparents. I wanted to do it right if we were going to do it, and not just pick one of our sibs because they are our sibs. And then hurting someone's feelings... Kind of silly, really. We know that everyone loves him very much. SO... we picked our friends because they are good people - hold similar beliefs to us. But different, too, so K. will learn things from them that he will not from us. But also, and more importantly, spiritual. I know that, if anything should ever happen, they will teach K. how to be a good, kind, and loving man. That's all that matters to me, and I know that they would do that. So, that's my long story about our trip to Hotlanta! It will be a fun one! :)

Alrighty! That's it for now! Please bear with me while I try to update and get used to this blog thing. I like it - it's fun, I just forget about it sometimes!

The important things.

I just received an email from my church. One of our members - who has been sick for the past 2 years - is getting worse. He had brain tumor - a very unusual form of cancer, I am not sure of the name. He saw doctors and they treated him very agressively - he was also part of an experimental study for a few months. He was doing very well. Even his scan - one year later - showed no regrowth. Well, he just had an mri and it showed that the tumor id back and it is bigger than it was before. The doctors feel that they have exhausted all of the options - anything that they do now will not cure him, just, maybe, prolong his life. He has decided to go home and have hospice care. I feel even more sad for him and his family because he and his partner have 2 children - probably about 4 and 6 years old - if that. His partner just finished his Ph.D. This is when things were supposed to really come together. While they said that they are at peace with their decsion, I know that it is still hard. And while I cannot imaine how they must feel, I really feel for them. They are young. When he was diagnosed with cancer, everything was fine. The reason why he went to see a doctor was because he had a momentary lapse in speech. After reading the email from them, I felt silly worrying about the things that I worry about. I know that my reality is different from theirs', but it was a reminded to not stress about the things that I cannot control. These two men are wonderful and good people. They have made such a difference in this world, and I know that they will continue to.

So, the purpose of this posting is to remind folks - and myself - to enjoy each moment of life. Most things will work themselves out - stressing about "stuff" helps no one.

This is what makes me happy:
my wife and son, our pet family, my friends near and far, my family near and far, the sun, the rain, laughing, going for walks, playing cars with my son, taking the train, driving my car on a scenic New England road, picking apples, the first snow, rainbows, kayaking, Santa Claus, a good book, a trasy entertainment mag, long phone calls, getting an email from someone I haven't heard from in a while... I can keep going. These are the little things that make life so wonderful. xoxox

money (& sex)

C. got a part time job yesterday. I should be excited because she has been saying that she would get one for a long time now. But I feel bad that she has to work a second job. I wish that we didn't have to, but right now, we do... She will be working at Dick's. She's a sporty gal, so she is looking forwardf to it. Hopefully it will only be for a little while... we'll see. We are making a "plan" to pay off some of (or all of) out bills so that we don't need an extra job. with me taking this new job - even though I am home and we are saving on daycare, travel, etc. - it's a little tighter than we would like. and, even though we made it through last year when c. lost her job, i am still stressing about it. money is definitely a stressor in our relationship. we don't talk about it much. i try, but it's never a good time, according to c. c's reaction is that "everything will be fine." mine is "everything will be fine" doesn't pay the bills. i guess we are on opposite ends of that one - it can be a good thing, just sometimes i would like a little validation for the way that i feel. and money is like sex - it's one of those things that isn't always appropriate to talk about. at least, with sex, we both agree - sleep is what we really need right now. ;) and, like i have said, we really would like another baby, so that's really pushing us to get this money stuff in order. i know that there will always be bills, i would just like to get rid of the ones that have been hanging around for awhile... does anyone out there have any words of wisdom? any financial planner-types with the answer?

there's my money rant... thanks for listening.

confession

i love justin timberlake. love him and LOVE sexy back. even k. loves him - he dances whenever it comes on the radio. :)

we're aunties!

our nephew is here! he arrived, via c section, at 7:32 pm. he is 22 inches long and 8lbs 7 oz! we can't wait to meet him! my sister is doing well. she is out of it, but i can understand that! i am glad that she is sleeping - she has been very anxious. it sounds like to c section went well, too - my bro-in-law said that the baby was born about 5 minutes after they started! and she didn't feel a thing! the way that it should be!
with him being born, i want to be a new mommy again! it's amazing - i want this now like i did before. i hope that we are able to find a spern donor through friends or friends of friends. it will make things a little easier, i think... i ovulated today! i am glad that i am still so ini tune to my body. i got horrible cramps this evening. as soon as i felt them, the mood swings that i have been experiencing this past week suddenly made so much sense! i had an ovulation predictor kit left from before, so i took the test, and it was positive! even though my cycle can be very irregular, i can always tell when i am ovulating and i always get my period 12 days afterwards. at least there is some regularity to it. i really hope that we have a donor and can start trying come december. i would love another child. i can only imagine what that would be like. i love k. so much, that having another child to love would be an amazing thing!

aunties-to-be

yep, we are going to be aunties today! my sis is in labor right now!!!!

not gonna write much because i wrote a post and it got deleted! ugh!

anyway, with the new babe and having spent time with friends' babies, we so want another! we have started looking for a donor - this time through friends... the cost at banks has gone up so much! so, if anyone knows of a nice healthy guy in eastern MA or RI, please let us know!

the little guy is up form his nap, so i am gonna run and get him. i will fill y'all in on what's happeneing a little later! and tell you more about my nephew!!!!!

lots to tell...

First... it's Sept. 11th. It's been a sad day. I have had to drive a lot for work today, so I was listening to NPR. I don't listen to it often since K. yells when we aren't listening to music or singing... :) All day, people were sharing their stories about where they were on Sept. 11, 2001. I remember that day - and then just sitting in front of the televions and watching what happened over and over and over. Until I just had to shut it off. And now Bush is on tv again. If we had cable, we would change the channel. I guess we can just shut the tv off, but we can't. I don't want to hear it. He is so stupid and arrogant. And stupid.
There's my vent...


So, it's been a while since I have posted... and I actually have lots to tell. First... last Thursday was one of my work from home days. I did work! I am getting a lot done when I am at home - it's great! My sis-in-law asked if I could go over and take her puggle puppies out for a walk because she was going to be gone all day. So, we did - she lives nearby, K. likes the pups. I do too - they are cute, but I am not a puppy person. On our way over, K. was hungry, I was frazzeled, he was crying, so I WENT TO WENDY'S DRIVETHRU! I cannot believe that I did it. To make it worse, I got the KID'S MEAL with the toy. I have given him chicken nuggets a couple of times before... he has had about 2 french fries in his 17 months here, but I NEVER thought I would be getting food for my TODDLER at Wendy's or any other fast food place! I know that it is not the worst thing that I could do, but I am still in disbelief. I confessed to C. today. She just laughed at me. That was one of the things that I "lectured" her on before he was born - how we will not give him any fast food.
So, we get to Auntie's house and take the pups out for a walk. The pups squat and poop, and then K. squats and he starts pooping. It was quite a sight. I really wish that I had my camera for that. :)

Another thing that has happened since I have started working from home. On the ornings that K. is home with me, we have breakfast, and then we come into the living room and watch TV. WOW. I watch more tv now than I ever have! again, we do not have cable, so we are watching Sesame Street and Thomas the Train on PBS, which makes me feel a little bit better. BUT, after Sesame Street was over, they thanked McDonald's for contributing to their show!!!! I am filling my son with tv and fast food! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Who have I become????? where did the progressive lesbian who i once was, go?????

i realize that if anyone else was telling me this story, i would say RELAX! a little bit is ok. and i believe that. i cannot keep k. away from the tv forever. and there is nothing wrong with the tv - i just don't want him to become a couch potato. same thing with fast food - a little bit is ok - and we make healthy choices - he drinks milk and had the yogurt instead of fries... i just did not expect to do those things before he was 2 years old.

motherhood can be tough sometimes. i really feel like i am being pulled in every direction... i guess that's why wendy's has a drive-thru. ;)

"Cah."

That's K.'s new favorite word. "cah." It scares me that he is already dropping his r's. We may have to move out of MA if this continues. ;)
It's very cute. He looks out the window, points to my car and says it. When we are driving on the highway, he must say "cah" about 100 times. It cracks me up.
He also knows most of his body parts, too. The other night after bathtime, I asked him where his belly button was. He showed me. And then he proceeded to lift up my shirt and stick his finger in my belly button. Over and over and over. And I have this thing with my bb. I don't like people to touch it. Not even C. Not even me. I try to avoid it. When I was pregs, I was so afraid of it poppinig out. Thankfully, it didn't. Anyway, K. kept sticking his finger in my belly button, I would start laughing, he would laugh, and it was a 15 minute laugh-fest. It was one of the best mommy-moments that I have had so far. :)
It's amazing. He is all of a sudden talking! Everyone said it would happen and it has. He loves saying "ba-by-eee." That's cute. And "mom-mii" for me and "mum" for C. So frigging cute. I can go on and on.
The other day when we got home - I had just picked him up from daycare - C. was standing in the driveway. All of a sudden I hear these little giggles coming from the back seat. He was so happy to see his Mama! Everything is just so cute! I ahve never used that word so much before...

Question for any of the 'rents reading this...

Have you ever felt like you wanted another child, but didn't really want to go through those earlier stages again? I would love another child - AT SOME POINT...NOT NOW! - and C. really wants another babe - like now! But I am not sure I want to go through all of "that" again. I am pretty sure that I would enjoy it, but I am so glad that K. is so good. Bedtime is easy. Weaning him off the bottle was easy. Taking the binky away was easy. I can go on and on. I am sure these feelings are normal, I would just like to hear others' points of view. Please share!

Sleepy time for me!

proud boy and crack-berries.

my little guy... he is just so happy and proud! you are gonna get to hear me brag a little bit...

when i got home from work, c. was feeding k. dinner. i said hello and there was this big scream from my boy and he was all smiles! i gave him a kiss and he grabbed my necklace. so, i took it off and put it on him and he was just SO DARN PROUD!!! i LOVE it! and he is all about putting his cheerios on the tips of his fingers now. it is so amazing that he has mastered that skill that seems so little to all of us. :) everyday is something new for him and i absolutely love it.


now, onto crackberries.

i have a blackberry. i bought it because i will be working from home, but i will be out a lot. i wanted to be able to get out of the house but still be accessible. i also got a MAJOR deal - the t-mobile guy gave me a $100 phone for $30! i was psyched because i couldn't bring myself to spend anymore $ than that. so, the past few days on the train home from work, i have emailed from it, im'd friends, played games, and browsed the web. i am addicted. it is very scary. check this out: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4279486

great day!

today was my first day at my new job and it was great! i like the people i work with and the job will be a lot of fun and VERY challenging, so i am looking forward to it!

also, i missed my little boy SO much today! i was kind of nervous because i have been able to spend so much time with him over the past few weeks, and while i was enjoying it, i was wishing for some "me time." i thought that i might not miss him. but once i left work and got on the train to come home, i realized just how much i had missed him and was so excited to see that big grin when i went to pick him up!

speaking of picking him up, i love his daycare. the teachers who work there are wonderful and it makes me so happy to see and hear kids talking about k.'s momS so matter of factly. one little girl told me a story that my partner had already shared with me about when she went to pick him up one day. when the little girl was telling me (and she had already id'd me as k's mom because "he looks just like you!") the story, she just said "and then he thought that his mommy had left!" i am so happy that this little girl will grow up knowing different kinds of families. :)

new job...

tomorrow i start my new job... the job where i will get to WORK FROM HOME! wow! many moms' dream come true! while i am "working from home, " i will most likely be out on the road a lot, but that is still ok, it's more time that i will have with my son. but i am afraid. what if i don't love being home with him? i think i will enjoy it, and i have wanted more time with him and c., but what if it's not what i imagine it to be? he will still be going to daycare 2 days a week, so he will have friends and playtime there... but will my playtime be "good enough" for him? and c. has been such a great stay-at-home mama that i am afraid that i cannot live up to her! this is all too crazy for me. i did not expect to feel this way. i think that i just need to be and it will all work out well. i can overanalyze things a bit... so, on that note, i am off to bed so that i can be well rested for my first day of work. wish me luck! xox, L.

ok, so blogging is new to me... so forgive my first few posts - i just want to get started.

my little guy is sleepinig right now, so i figured i would get this thing going. he is going to be 17 months old on wednesday! how is that possible?!!??? SO, that said, we are thinking about baby #2. does anyone know if health insurance covers ivf if you haven't even tried getting pregs? i carried k. and mama has no initerest in being pregs. she has this medical condition where she has 2 uteruses, but they are only as big as one, and two ovaries. so, each uterus only has one ovary. make sense? we were thining that maybe i could carry her baby this next time around. but only if insurance would cover it. we see our doc in october, but if anyone knows anything, please share!

more stories to come soon...

These are the daily events in the lives of 2 mommies and their son.